Principal's Blog - Letters to myself

Christmas presents always bring surprises. Sometime those are good, sometimes they are unexpected, sometimes they are just downright weird. In recent years my latter category has included a chopping board, a showerpoof radio alarm clock, a hat with a light in it and a small wooden horse.

This year, my mother-in-law provided me with a real winner in the unexpected category, however: a wonderful book entitled ‘Letters to my younger self’. The book is a collection of letters written by notable people from all walks of life containing reflections, advice, reminders of the normalcy of everyone, no matter their cause, career or celebrity.

In what other book might you find celebrity chef Jamie Oliver next to MI5 chief Dame Stella Rimmington? Or Tim Peake between Richard E Grant and Wilbur Smith… Some are advice, some are reflections of formative moments - most often they include failures. Interestingly most mourn that they did not give more time to their parents when they were children.

This term I introduced letters to myself as a new series for Principal’s assemblies to supplement our Failure Awards and build on the work of pupil self reporting, which are key parts of the Monkton approach. I have been encouraging those in the 6th Form to think about what they might want to say to their younger selves and to share it with the whole school; it seems to have captured the imagination because I quickly had more volunteers than I had available slots!

It is so important to encourage pupils to take #TimeToTalk, to show vulnerability, to recognise that their journeys have been hard and to share that with others so we can connect with the idea that challenge is an inevitable part of life and makes us stronger. Encouraging our pupils to reflect in this way is part of how #MonktonInnovates and supports our ethos that #MonktonThinksDifferently.

I have never felt it fair to ask others to do something I am not prepared to do myself so I started with my own letter expressing the things I would like to send to my 13 year old self. Writing it was really cathartic; I found I didn’t want to offer advice that would make my life now better- of course things could have gone differently - I could have chosen a different path - I could have been playing James Bond by now - but I’m pretty happy and feel I’ve achieved a lot that I’m proud of. I was a pretty unhappy child though- there was a lot I missed out on that I could have enjoyed but I was too ready to be uncertain, to give up easily; I wish I had enjoyed academic study when I had the time too rather than seeing it as a chore…

Dear Chris,

It is ok that you are small - you will grow. Believe in yourself and let that be enough - you don’t need to argue every point. Your fears, your lack of confidence, your worry about being less good than others - letting these things control you won’t bring out the best in you.

You might be tempted to drop out of A-team hockey because you fear failure and ridicule, but take courage that people might laugh when you get things wrong but their laughter will fade, your mistakes will be forgotten and you will learn from every hard experience; ridicule always perishes. You will find your voice (some might say too much), you will get better at old things and try new ones.

Stop smoking. It doesn’t win the approval you would hope and what it does win is shallow; what they admire is the risk taking- there are better ways of taking risks. Give more time to Art- even though it’s an area you have little technical skill - creativity is salve to the soul. Be brave enough to hear - and recognise - the voice of God in your life.

Learn to stick things out but also try new things- be prepared to make yourself vulnerable because it will give you a much more real confidence boundaried by humility where sticking to your areas of expertise risks arrogance.

Don’t be afraid of your failures-  celebrate them and share them where you can - they are the experiences you will actually learn from; look to enjoy your life - don’t be afraid of winning or being seen at the front - life is an incredible gift - every day, every week and every year can be your best yet if you set out for it to be or it can be your worst if you let yourself spiral down and don’t catch yourself as you fall.

Rely on your friends - they will help bear your weight but you will be the first person who knows you have stumbled - share that with them. Life is to be enjoyed not survived… Oh and never write off the possibility of playing James Bond - remember it’s never too late…

As ever,
Chris

For those who are prepared to share them more widely, we will add excerpts from the pupils’ letters below as the series develops; my thanks go to all those who are prepared to take time to reflect in this way and to share it with others. It is so important that Monkton lives up to our determination to help every child find their voice…

Ollie

"Everything that you do on a day to day basis will be harshly criticized and spat on, by you. I could just say here that all you need to do is block out what you’re telling yourself, but I am fully aware that is completely unrealistic. But one thing you’ve trained yourself to do, for some reason, is to put up a front and bottle everything up. Yes I know that that sounds cliche, and I know you like putting up this front because it means you feel like you’re not being a nuisance to anyone, and you convince yourself this is a way of showing people you’re tough and not some small skinny kid. But you need to let someone know, even if it’s gradual. Just as long as you’re relieving the pressure faster than it’s building up, you’ll be sorted."

"Pull yourself together for a second. You may not see it, but people really do care for you. You were with your friends yesterday weren’t you, and they were laughing at your stories and jokes and enjoying your company, to give one example. Some may leave, that happens, but you, Ollie, won’t have lost anything more than a Snapchat streak."

"Now, going back to my point earlier about releasing the pressure build up inside. Maybe one day you’ll release that pressure by doing the obvious thing, which is to write a letter to yourself and read it out to 400 others at a school 300 miles south of home. Maybe this will then encourage people to see through the casual jokes made by their own friends, and be the pair of listening ears to help them out and reassure them and get them out to the otherside."

Tilly

"Spoiler alert - you don’t ever write a diary or keep track of your life in picture form or anything like that, however you do store it all in your head. This becomes one of your greatest skills and your worst quality. My advice, learn to forget a little or maybe just don’t overthink EVERYTHING. Remember the positive memories that you have, and not so much the tiny details that end up unnecessarily consuming you."  

"Picking the perfect friends and having a perfect appearance wasn’t and still isn’t  all that life amounts to. And that learning to be your own friend is probably something to nail down first."

"I would tell you that life is really really scary, but it’s full of amazing experiences and people that change your life so slightly everyday, until eventually you have grown up and it’s not so scary anymore."